I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
