i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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