i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
