I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
