Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
