Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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