We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
