Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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