If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
