theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
