my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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