Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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