U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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