There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
