I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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