It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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