You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
