Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everyone says I win the strip club
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
