My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
