so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
