If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
