And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
