I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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