So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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