she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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