I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
