but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
