I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
