eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
