Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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