So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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