I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the raccoons are back...
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