In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
do nipples grow back?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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