He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
