there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
