Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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