only you would photoshop your dick
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Two words: nipple clamps
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