i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
