I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
