so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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