I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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