Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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