You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
