Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
