The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
