Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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