My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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