Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
