I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
