The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
