I need to stop coming to work sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
