3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
