I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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