That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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