I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
vagina is talking i cant
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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