I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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