saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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