If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
