I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found the puke drawer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
