Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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