were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
